ContentsView article sectionsListen to the BlogCastMy View of FriendshipRealities of Adult FriendshipsFriendship and Community Changes with TimeJobs Make Friendships HardMoney Makes Friendships HardCommunication with New People is HardAbout My Experience Making Friends in South KoreaHow I Failed At Being Lonely1. Show Up2. Try Things You Think You Hate3. Eat Together‘Family Dinners’Food SwapsHolidays4. Create Space In Your Life5. Dig Into Your Hobbies6. Do the Emotional Labor7. Have Empathy8. Make Your Own FunBecome a Community LeaderBecome a Community OrganizerBecome a First FollowerA Quick Pep TalkResources for Making FriendsHave you recently moved to Korea for work or school, and are you looking to build your community? Here are some of my personal tips for making friends in South Korea. Hold onto your hats because this isn’t short, but it may be helpful. Listen to the BlogCast Don’t want to read? Listen to the South of Seoul BlogCast, which provides accessible content through the use of AI technology. We don’t have time to read each article, but we do our best to make more of our content accessible. If you would like to join our Accessibility Team, apply to volunteer with South of Seoul. Please note that the pronunciation of some Korean words may be inaccurate due to AI technology’s limitations. My View of Friendship Like all my posts providing ‘advice’, I like to first share my experience with the topic being discussed. For example, much of my childhood was spent in isolation with only my family for most of the year. I also liked living very isolated, and I don’t have an intrinsic desire to have friends. Interestingly, such an extremely isolated life taught me the value of strong relationships and community. I saw that strong friendships provided added meaning and support in difficult times. Our rural community took care of each other even when we hated each other’s stupid faces. When I moved into society, I also learned the value of community when serving within a larger social system. So, even though I don’t often think, “I wish I had friends so I’m not lonely,” I do make friendship a priority. After my move to the city as a kid, I also learned the incredible amount of hard work and emotional labor it takes to create a community as an outsider within society. I couldn’t just expect to fit in or get invited to things. I had to study society and where I could fit into it. Great lessons for moving abroad. Additionally, since I would MUCH rather live alone than spend any amount of time around people that I don’t like, I have to be intentional about building community. I make building a community filled with people who share my values a priority even when I want to be alone. I see community as something very active that I build, foster, and maintain over time. Realities of Adult Friendships Also, let’s begin this post with some real talk about the realities of adult friendships. Yes, it’s easy to blame the difficulties related to developing friendships on things like a new country or culture that’s not your own. The ‘other’ in our lives is always a great scapegoat for our own trauma. Also, there will be increased ‘cultural dissonance’ in a new country, which makes building relationships feel especially overwhelming. That said, the truth is that finding adult friendships isn’t easy, no matter where you live in the world. Even in your home country, if you move to a new city to start a new job, it’s incredibly lonely. Just go on TikTok or Instagram for a hot minute, and you will find folks all over the world struggling to find meaningful relationships. In fact, my tips for making friends in South Korea are the same tips I used in my home country. That’s because of the following facts about adulthood friendships never change, no matter where you live. Friendship and Community Changes with Time If you find yourself staying in South Korea, you will find that your relationships may ebb and flow with time. You will have periods when your community is small and times when it’s huge. It’s important to stay emotionally flexible and in the moment. Personally, I have my core group of friends in Korea that I’ve known for over a decade, and then I have friends that rotate every 3-5 years. It’s ok that some friends come and go. That’s very healthy and normal. I’m sure that if you think back to your life at home, your core relationships changed pretty often. Maybe your longest relationship was 2-3 years because of changes in school, work, or family life. Jobs Make Friendships Hard Finding the time around work to make friends can be challenging. After work, you want to sleep or watch Netflix, not put emotional energy into meeting new people. Money Makes Friendships Hard As an adult, sometimes it’s hard to find friendships that fit into your financial goals. You may find that some people simply cost too much to be friends with. Communication with New People is Hard It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting to build new connections. Each time we change friend groups it’s hard to uncover ‘hidden culture’ or differences in how we use language. It’s exhausting to stay present and aware of our words and personally accountable for our behavior. We all want to be able to just relax. About My Experience Making Friends in South Korea When I moved to South Korea in 2011, the online commentary promised me solitude, loneliness, and isolation. It sounded like my dream come true, and I chose Korea to be alone. South Korea seemed to have all the benefits of living in a society (like public transportation and not having to kill my own food) with the social isolation that I love. I could not have been more excited to move to a country where making friends would be next to impossible. I was like a kid at Christmas. However, I failed miserably at being alone from the start. … Continue reading Guide for Making More Friends in Korea