5 Tips for Conquering Culture Shock

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Culture Shock isn’t just an English punk band. It’s also a very real thing we all deal with while living abroad. It’s part of the territory and it’s something everyone needs to be very aware of in order to live their best life.

It starts out small and builds over time, sometimes ripping through our lives with very painful consequences and other times hiding in the shadows waiting to knock us off course when we least expect it. It can even cause intense depression, destruction of relationships, uuncharacteristic bigotry and racism, emotional trauma, and more. It makes you blame others for things that aren’t their fault or within their control. Quite frankly, it can be devastating to those you care about the most. It’s teriibly important to practice healthy habits while going through it. 

During your first months in South Korea just assume you are in culture shock. Tackle the beast head on and practice the following healthy habits even if you are simply loving Korea. Culture shock can blindside you at any moment. Be healthy and be ready.

So what is Culture Shock?

Now that we’ve scared you a little, let’s step back and explain what culture shock is. As the name implies, it’s when a person goes into a state of emotional shock when trying to deal with all the new information and rules associated with a new culture. In an article published on Medium, Global Perspectives explains there are four stages of cultures shock: Honeymoon, Frustration, Adjustment, and Acceptance

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The Life in South Sudan blog shared an excellent graphic to show how it usually goes. The timeline will be different for everyone, this is based on averages. Can you find where you are on the graph? As you can see there is a near constant downward spiral at a point, however, it does get better and there are ways to make it better faster. Keep in mind, the four states don’t always happen in order as the graph makes it look. Sometimes we bounce back and forth between them if we are here for a long time. However, the graph gives you a solid look at the roller coaster.

Now you see how you are going to be dipping, but what is that dip going to really look and sound like? First of all, here is what you will be experiencing:

  • Anger over little issues that normally wouldn’t matter
  • Anxiety at the thought of leaving the house
  • Exhausted every day
  • Rage when things aren’t like you expected
  • Frustration when doing simple tasks
  • Inability to sleep or excessive sleep (yes, both happen)
  • Depression
  • Sickness
  • Stereotyping and pretty scary thoughts about being better than other people
  • Helplessness and hopelessness 

We aren’t going to make too many examples – because what is said is often hurtful – but here are somethings you might find yourself saying:

  • “They should have an English menu.”
  • “Koreans are ALL the same.”
  • “I don’t want to have to figure it out. I just want it to be easy.”
  • “Why do they have to do ______ like that. That’s now how we do it in _____.”
  • “Those people never get it right.”
  • “That’s not how that is supposed to taste. It doesn’t taste like it does back home.”
  • “This place sucks, I can’t even get ______.”
  • “They are just trying to tip me off.” (as a response to a misunderstanding)

Well, you get the pictures. It can be painful to see it written down, but also helpful because you can start to clearly see the unhealthy expectations and demands being placed on the host culture. Honestly, nobody who grew up in Korea knows exactly how to keep foreigners happy. They are just doing their best. 

Holy smokes, that wasn’t fun to talk about but now we are through it. Of course, you and I aren’t doing these things, right? We are doing great in Korea and we are progressive, educated people. We are immune right? Wrong, no one is immune. That’s because this isn’t about what’s in your heart. It’s about the stress your brain is under trying to adjust to a society that has completely different rules. Things you thought were intrinsic turn out to be variable. Things you thought were wrong, well, they turn out to be right. Things you see as standard don’t even exist. In short, your brain is as exhausted AF and it starts to really hate life.

This is where most culture shock articles and blogs are going to leave you. Sitting at home with the knowledge that what you are going through is normal and sucks. However, at South of Seoul we don’t believe in telling you a problem exists without offering up solutions. There are concrete things you can do to get your life back on track. If you do these things it will get better much faster and you will fall-off-the-horse less along the way. Here are our first 5 Healthy Culture Shock Tips:

TIP 1: Sleep 

First of all, let’s talk about the exhaustion you are going to feel when you arrive that will continue for monthsInternational Relations EDU lists it as the first major symptom of culture shock. This exhaustion can make you feel terrible about yourself when it shouldn’t.  It’s normal and acceptable to want to sleep all the time. Let all that guilt go. Do you need a nap after 30 minutes outside? That’s ok. You aren’t broken. Your body is telling you what you need. Give yourself grace and get some rest. Don’t force yourself to keep going. Your brain needs rest because it is working double time to stay on top of life. Go to bed early. Take naps. It’s not just us saying this, it’s science. Learning a lot means the need to sleep a lot.

A trick we use is always having a napping spot in mind when we go out on an adventure. In Pyeongtaek there are 5 comic book cafes to nap at if you need a quick rest. We do this regularly. No shame. When we start feeling like a two-year-old at nap time we head straight for a resting spot. 

TIP 2: Leave the house

Yes, your brain is telling us to stay home. Yes, your brain wants to hide out where things are controllable and known, but that’s the opposite of what needs to be done. The longer you avoid tackling the outside world the harder it becomes. That doesn’t mean you need to tackle it all in one day. Instead, if possible, we recommend walking around outside beyond your comfort zone at least 30 minutes a day. Work your way up from there. Be methodical about it. Korea is quite safe so exploring is a delight.

When you are out on your walk, be alert and interested in the world but don’t feel you have to engage. Just observe, learn and be present. Then, after you go out, refer to Tip 1 and go take a nap. This is going to help you feel more comfortable with your environment more quickly because it builds familiarity. As a rule of thumb, we used to spend 2 hours a day outside. Eight years later we are still do this every week in order to keep our brains learning.

Creating familiarity is everything. Find a coffee shop and go there every day or every week. Say hello to the grandma you pass every day on your walk. Find a special spot for thinking or reading. Get out into the world and create your familiar place in it. These spots create your community touchstones. Safe places where you can retreat when things get tough.

In Paengseong an excellent touchstone cafe is Attractive Coffee. In Songtan/Shinjang we can recommend Counting Stars. If you are in Pyeongtaek consider Coffee On.

TIP 3: Learn

Ultimately, as we mentioned, culture shock is about not knowing things which means the natural way to get past it fast is to learn. The only way to stop your brain from having to work double and triple time is to gather the knowledge that is missing. The more you learn the more your brain can rest and relax and the less time it spends in fight-or-flight. Get serious and pretend you are back in school. Put aside time each day to learn more about the new world you live in.

This part is one of the hardest in culture shock because it requires you to step outside yourself and begin to understand why things are different in the new country. The fact of the matter is, even if you can’t see the logic for things, the logic exists. Sometimes that logic makes more sense than the logic we arrived here with, and sometimes it doesn’t. Seeking to understand why things are different will be, hands down, one of the most rewarding things about living abroad.  

Go to cultural programs, read history books, watch videos, ask questions, explore. Seek out things that challenge your worldview and push you past your comfort zone, don’t just gravitate toward the information that supports your own bias.  Confirmation bias can be a very real thing for us when we are in culture shock, so we have to be on guard.

The more you understand about how things work in your new country the less stressed your brain gets and the rage just goes away. You realize there are very good reasons for things being different and you will adapt. Sometimes you even discover that things you hated become things you love. It’s a beautiful process if you choose to embrace it.

TIP 4: Socialize

Now that you are out of the house and learning about the culture it’s time to make a few friends because friends make it all easier. You can do this by joining a language exchange, joining clubs, attending events, and volunteering. I’m not going to say that this is the easiest part, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. Don’t give up if you don’t make a best friend in the first month or in the first group you join. These things can take time. Just keep getting out. Keep joining in. If you can’t find a group that works for you MAKE A GROUP! Facebook and MeetUp make it easy to find like-minded people and gather. 

We are lucky in Pyeongtaek because there are organizations and groups already in place to make all of this easier for us:

TIP 5: If you need help, contact a professional

There is no shame in asking for help. What you are going through, the rage you feel, the exhaustion, or depression – they don’t make you a bad person but they are affecting your life. Don’t let this natural reaction to change have an extensive, long-lasting impact on your personal relationships. Seek a professional to talk to who can help you work through the struggles.

VIRTUAL: These days there are even online counselors who can be on-call for you to vent your cultural frustrations. We have known a number of people who have used Better Help. It’s affordable and online. 

IN-PERSON: If you would like to talk to a counselor in person, Adaptable Human Solutions will be coming to Pyeongtaek on Fridays in cooperation with Create Wellness Clinic near Brownstone apartments. They do all types of expat counseling and have a very real handle on what you need as an expat living in South Korea.

Those are all our tips for today. We hope that these 5 tips will be useful to you in the coming months. We have more tips like this in our culture shock toolbox and will continue to share them. It’s all going to be ok.